My Brain Has 37 Tabs Open… And None of Them Are Loading

Overthinking, mental overload, and having too many thoughts at once can make even simple things feel overwhelming.

It’s not laziness—it’s a brain trying to process everything all at once… and short-circuiting a little in the process.

At any given moment, my brain has approximately 37 tabs open.

And not one of them is loading properly.

One is replaying a conversation from three days ago— you know, the one where I definitely said something weird and now I need to think about it 47 more times just to be sure. Another one is planning my entire future… career, life, goals, how I’m going to get it all together and become that girl. Meanwhile, a third tab is like, “hey… remember that random embarrassing thing you did in 2009?” Cool. Love that for me.

There’s also: a grocery list I’ll forget the second I walk into the store a to-do list I keep mentally rewriting instead of actually doing a “get your life together” speech on repeat and at least one tab that’s just… static.

No thoughts.

Just vibes.

And the wild part?

From the outside… I look completely fine. Calm. Normal. Functioning. Meanwhile internally it’s like:

👉 loading…

👉 buffering…

👉 system error…

👉 try again later

I’ll start doing one thing— then remember three other things— then forget the original thing entirely. I’ll walk into a room with purpose… and leave wondering why I went in there in the first place. I’ll sit down to focus… and suddenly my brain is like: “now would be a great time to think about everything all at once.”

And don’t even get me started on trying to relax. Because relaxing, apparently, is just:

👉 sitting still

👉 while your brain runs a full marathon

But here’s the part I’m learning— It’s not that I’m lazy.

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I can’t get it together. It’s that my brain doesn’t always know how to slow down long enough to focus on one thing at a time. It’s trying to do everything… all at once… immediately.

And sometimes that looks like chaos.

Sometimes it looks like procrastination. Sometimes it looks like doing nothing at all.

But really?

It’s overload.

So now I’m trying something new

Not “fixing everything”

Not suddenly becoming perfectly organized

Just…

👉 one tab at a time

👉 one thought at a time

👉 one thing… actually finished

Even if the other 36 are still open in the background.

Because maybe progress isn’t clearing the whole system…

Maybe it’s just getting one thing to load.

~Tj🩷