Do You Reach Out… or Let It Stay Broken?

No one talks about this part.

Not the fight. Not the fallout. But what comes after… when the silence stretches longer than you ever thought it would.

It’s been months.

5 months of not talking to my sister.

5 months of going from daily conversations to absolutely nothing.

And at this point, it’s not even just about what happened anymore.

It’s about what I do now.

Because I could reach out.

That’s the part people don’t see.

How many times I’ve opened our messages… stared at the screen… thought about what I would even say. How many times I’ve almost typed something, just to delete it before it ever had a chance to exist.

Because I don’t know what the right move is anymore.

Do I reach out because she’s my sister? Or do I stay silent because I deserved more than how this ended?

That question sits with me more than I’d like to admit.

Because part of me misses her enough to break the silence.

And part of me knows exactly how this felt… and doesn’t want to walk back into that.

I go back and forth.

If she wanted to, she would. But what if she’s thinking the same thing about me?

If I reach out, does that make me the bigger person… or just the one who always bends first? And if I don’t… does that mean I’m choosing my peace… or just letting something important slowly disappear?

That’s the space I’ve been sitting in.

Not angry the way I was in the beginning. Not as reactive. Just… aware.

Aware that I miss her. Aware that I was hurt. Aware that both of those things can exist at the same time.

Because this isn’t simple. It’s not just about pride. It’s not just about being right. It’s about protecting myself… while still caring about someone I’ve never had to live without before.

And that’s a different kind of conflict.

Because when you lose a relationship this close, you don’t just lose the person… You lose the habit of them.

The daily conversations. The random thoughts you’d normally send. The instinct to pick up your phone and tell them something, only to remember… you can’t. Or maybe you can. But you don’t.

And that choice?

It’s heavy.

I wish I could say I know what I’m going to do.

I don’t.

Some days I feel strong in my silence. Like I’m finally choosing myself. Other days… I sit there wondering if this is how relationships just… end.

Not with a clear break, but with distance that keeps growing until there’s nothing left to go back to.

And I don’t know which one this is yet.

So for now… I stay where I am. In the middle of missing her… and protecting myself.

In the middle of wanting to fix it… and knowing I can’t be the only one trying.

In the middle of reaching out… and staying silent.

~Tj🩷